Candace lost her son. Twice.
The first time to adoption as an infant. The second, not long after their reunion twenty years later.
A heart-wrenching and heart-warming memoir, Goodbye Again offers an intimate view of child relinquishment and child loss, the definition of motherhood, and how two things can be true at once.

Why Write Goodbye Again?

The seeds of Goodbye Again began during the early days of my reunion with my son, Michael. As I struggled to develop a relationship with my adult son, I sought out the stories of others who’d come before—first mothers and adoptees—in hopes they would provide guidance.

There were so few.

Society seemed focused on the “rainbows and unicorns” of adoption, with pictures of happy, fulfilled couples cradling newborns and messages that first mothers are brave and selfless. But an alternate narrative, quieter and less intrusive, included adult adoptees and first parents addressing the trauma of abandonment and life-long mental health issues, giving me my first glimpse out of “the adoption fog.” Then, in the aftermath of my son’s death, I searched again for examples of how to endure the loss and found support through groups like The Compassionate Friends. Their focus, however, tended to be on traditional family structures and did not address ambiguous and disenfranchised grief like mine. So, I continued my search and finally found a commonality among those struggling with infertility and miscarriage. Their grief, like mine, was not openly discussed nor understood, and it was at this point I pledged to use my voice and experience to help start a conversation.

It doesn’t matter how you get here; the grief of child loss is universal.

~Candace

What Readers Say

This book is utterly generous, completely engaging, and speaks to anyone who has experienced grief of any sort. You don’t need to be a parent, an adopted child, or someone who has given up or lost a child to find value in this book. Candace beautifully lays out her story and experiences in the most honest, revealing way and offers everyone an opportunity to heal through empathy and compassion. This is a story of love and forgiveness on many levels. Her story is so unreal you could easily forget that it is non fiction. I could not put it down once I started: I HIGHLY RECOMMEND GOODBYE, AGAIN!

~Sherry Corrington

This book is deeply moving and takes readers on an emotional journey. It offers a perspective on adoption that society rarely sees and stands as a remarkable piece of adoption literature. It is truly a must-read.

~Monica Hall, Author of Practically Still A Virgin

“As a bereaved parent myself, I cannot even imagine losing the same child twice. In “Goodbye, Again,” Candace Cahill walks us through the agony of being convinced to give her son up for adoption, and then after finally meeting him years later, loses him to unknown causes when he dies in his sleep before they had a chance to meet again. “Goodbye, Again” will not only break your heart, but put it back together when Candace describes the tools she used to create a meaningful life and to show compassion for her abusive mother as she died a slow death. “Goodbye, Again” is a must read for first mothers, adoptees who wish to understand the circumstances that lead their birth mother to give them up for adoption, bereaved parents, and anyone interested in how to navigate devastating circumstances as they search for their lighthouse in the dark.”

~Melissa Monroe, Author of Mom’s Search for Meaning

“The depth of grief for birth mothers of adopted children is made all too clear in this heart-warming and eye-opening story of personal growth, resilience, and love. Candace Cahill takes us on a journey through tumultuous years of finding her footing and finding herself, while losing, finding, and then losing her son, Michael, again. While no adoption is perfect, this is a story of open adoption at its best.”

~Karen Debonis, Author of Growth: A Mother, Her Son, and the Brain Tumor They Survived

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