Still Learning, Growing, and Striving

This past July, Minnesota’s Governor Tim Walz signed the Open Record Law for Adoptees. This spurred me to request a copy of Michael’s original birth certificate, which I was never given. I have been processing my feelings since opening the envelope and seeing his original name beside mine.

Here was proof that he was indeed connected to me. Until I received the OBC, I sometimes questioned if I’d really named him before relinquishing him…

Here, too, was proof of his existence. Yes, I have photos, memorabilia, and stories, but so few are my memories, and so few stories are of us that I often question the reality of it all…

Having the record in my possession, though, doesn’t change the fact that he is gone.

Sometimes, I find myself spiraling down into an abyss where everything related to my relinquishment of Michael, the adoption, and his death all seems meaningless, and it’s like I am mired in sludge. Then, thankfully, something, or most often someone, reaches out and helps me emerge from the swamp.

A few days ago, I received a kind and thoughtful email from a reader who’d learned about my memoir from Ronit Plank’s podcast Let’s Talk Memoir. They said that my story opened their eyes to the “realities and heartbreak of adoption” and that “they now view adoption, adoptees, first parents, and adoptive parents in a completely different light.” They thanked me for sharing my memoir with the world, and when I told Tom about the email, he smiled and said, “Another example that makes it all worthwhile.” I couldn’t agree more. Although I’ve had many personal letters from readers expressing how deeply my book impacted them, each one fills me with gratitude. I thank every one of you who has contacted me personally. Please know that your words have affected me profoundly.

Upcoming Appearances

I have several events coming up in September.

The first is the ongoing Concerned United Birthparents (CUB) Writers Group on September 22nd. To learn more and sign up, use this link: Monthly Zoom Writing Group — Concerned United Birthparents.

On September 25th, there will be a virtual presentation through the Activism in Adoption program coordinated by the On Your Feet Foundation. I will present on Types of Grief in Relinquishment and Paths to Healing: A Birthmother Perspective. Use this link to sign up: Upcoming Zoom Session. If you have personal experiences of relinquishment and adoption grief you would be interested in sharing, I am looking for quotes from other members of the adoption constellation to help promote understanding.

Finally, the CUB Annual Retreat will begin on September 27th and run through the 29^th. We will meet at the Kansas City Marriott Country Club Plaza in Kansas City. I am working with Amy Seek, author of God and Jetfire, and Marilyn Waugh to host the Friday Evening Storytelling Hour, and on Saturday morning, I will lead a journaling session. The CUB Retreat is one of my most life-altering and life-expanding experiences, and I would recommend it to anyone in or outside the adoption constellation. I hope to see you there!

May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you be safe.

Candace