I Never Intended to Get Spinal Fusion Surgery

The need to prioritize my health means my memoir must take the back seat.

My memoir, Goodbye Again, launches in just under three months. This leaves plenty of time to review the printed proof, schedule podcast interviews, and work on marketing in general. Well, that would be enough time if I weren’t faced with the need for major spinal surgery.

I am scheduled for L4/5 spinal fusion with decompression on Monday, August 22nd.

This means I need a whole new game plan.

I won’t be able to drive for six weeks, and there will be no bending, twisting, or lifting for three months. So, the reality is that my book will release before I can even lift a box filled with them. I will likely be foggy-brained from pain and pain meds and may not be able to comprehend well enough even to read.

How the he!! am I supposed to launch a book in such an incapacitated state?

Fortunately, a friend reminded me that my memoir is considered ‘new’ for the first year, while my back will continue to deteriorate if I don’t take care of the problem. If all goes as planned, I will reclaim my mobility and live pain-free. I do not focus on the possibility that this may not be the case because, just like with my memoir, I try to think positively (for new subscribers, I always believed my memoir would be published, even while navigating the query trenches). Framing outcomes most advantageously is a skill, but with surgery imminent, this ability is being tested.

Once I wake from anesthesia, if I can comprehend, I will read. If I can hold a pen or my laptop, I will write. I’ll watch movies in between naps if I’m incapacitated. Wherever my functionality lands, I will move on from there, BUT I will go into surgery Monday morning with the complete expectation that:

1. The surgery will be successful.
2. The pain will not be too much to bear.
3. I will maintain my wits.

Yes, I am scared, but I am not anxious. I am optimistic but also a realist. I’m prepared for a myriad of outcomes but planning for the best.

My intention for this blog was to keep my subscribers in the loop regarding the publication of my memoir and related topics. And while I apologize for being derelict with the timeliness of these updates, I hope this note gives insight into the reason behind the dereliction of duty. And I plan to be back with another blog post soon.

I do have some excellent news to share: although I will still be healing from surgery, and with my surgeon’s approval, I have accepted an invitation to participate in the upcoming CUB (Concerned United Birthparents) Annual Retreat in Tampa, Florida, October 14-16.

This retreat is open to birth/first parents, adoptees, adoptive families, relatives, professionals working in our community, and anyone who wants to learn more about the impact of lived adoption/separation. The retreat is an excellent source of insight from all members of the adoption constellation. But, most importantly, it is one of the few places I get to experience the intensely intimate sisterhood of first mothers. If you are a birth mother, I highly recommend attending this Retreat or another in-person gathering for first parents. The knowledge that you are not alone is unmatched in its ability to open doors, ignite healing, and inspire passion and compassion – essentially, it will change your life.

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